A Guide to Speaking with Your Adult Child About Therapy
Author: Lauren Buroker, M.Ed/Ed.S, LMFT
Reviewer: Kaitlyn Shelp, MA, LMHC ✓
The parent-child relationship is one of the most vital to our society. It is also, however, often one of the most tricky to navigate. For the parent, going from being the one that your child depends on for everything to the one that might often get dismissed because your teenager or young adult “knows it all” can be an experience that ranges from irritating to devastating. And for the child, going from having a superhero to recognizing that your parent is just as flawed as everyone else can range from enlightening to infuriating. Obviously, both sides of this dynamic can present challenges! Parents also often face the additional challenge of maintaining respect, encouraging independence, and addressing communication issues as their children transition into adulthood.
There is a lot of advice out there about what to do once your child moves out if they need financial help, or academic guidance, or even career steps. But what should you do if your child seems to be struggling mentally or emotionally? That’s what this article aims to explore.
Understanding the Importance of Therapy for Adult Children
Therapy can be a lifesaver for adult children struggling to navigate their lives. As a parent, it’s natural to want to support your child in any way you can, but sometimes, professional help is necessary to address deeper issues. Therapy can provide a safe and non-judgmental space for your adult child to explore their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and work through challenges that may be holding them back.
In therapy, a trained therapist can help your child develop healthy communication skills, build self-esteem, and learn to navigate relationships with authority figures. Therapy can also provide a platform for your child to express their own thoughts and feelings, and work through any unresolved issues that may be impacting their adult life. By addressing these areas, therapy can empower your child to make positive changes and thrive in their adult life.
The Approach
As mental health can be a sensitive subject, it is often important to have a planned approach in mind when addressing your child about it at any age, but especially once they have reached the age of majority. While there is no one specific “one size fits all” approach, keeping the following factors in mind can be beneficial:
Validate them
Opening up about mental health is hard, so being understanding can ease defensiveness
Listen to them
It might help to check in with their self-perception before giving your feedback
Remind them you’re there to support them
Feeling like they have a partner in their struggle may lead to openness to suggestions
Relate if you can
Sharing potential similar struggles (past or present) can help with validation and openness
While keeping the above factors in mind will not guarantee a successful conversation, they increase your chances of getting to the desired result.
The Healthy Communication Conversation
So what do you do now that you know the basic “dos and don’ts” of your approach? This is where it gets more nuanced (therapeutically here, I’d probably say “it depends”, which, while an annoying answer, tends to be true!). Are the struggles you’re noticing impacting multiple life areas? Is it possible your child is just discovering more about themselves as they continue to age and mature? Have they potentially sought their own mental health support?
All these questions will factor into the way that you proceed with your conversation. Therefore, while going in with a plan is all but a necessity, it’s also important to recognize that your plan may get derailed once you find out additional information.
Therapy can assist individuals in becoming unstuck and gaining essential new skills necessary for navigating adulthood.
So what could this conversation potentially look like?
Check in with how they think they’re doing
Reflect (aka acknowledge and summarize) what they share with you
Share your own observations and give them a chance to respond
Share the concerns you have based on those observations
Before jumping right into problem solving mode, see if they have any ideas about what to do
Come up with a plan together - when your child feels like they have a say, they’re more likely to follow through
Develop a timeframe to follow up on things
This could also consist of regular check-ins
Despite this being written out as a series of steps, they may not necessarily go in order - conversations rarely go to plan, after all. It’s more important to ensure that you’ve hit all these steps at some point. And try your best to set aside a decent chunk of time to have this conversation; rushing things is more likely to make your child clam up than be vulnerable. Let your child know that you’re willing to go at their pace - reminders like these can help reduce tension or defensiveness.
Building a Supportive Relationship
Building a supportive relationship with your adult child is crucial for their success in therapy. As a parent, you play a significant role in your child’s life, and your involvement in their therapy can be incredibly beneficial. By attending family therapy sessions, you can learn how to communicate more effectively with your child, set healthy boundaries, and provide emotional support.
A family therapist can help you and your child develop a stronger, more supportive relationship by teaching you how to:
Practice active listening and empathy
Set clear boundaries and expectations
Encourage open and honest communication
Support your child’s independence and autonomy
By working together with a therapist, you and your child can build a stronger, more supportive relationship that will last a lifetime. This collaborative approach not only enhances your child’s therapy experience but also strengthens the family bond, fostering a healthier and more understanding dynamic.
Addressing Concerns and Fears
As a parent, it’s natural to have concerns and fears about seeking therapy for your adult child. You may worry about the cost, the effectiveness, or the potential impact on your relationship with your child. However, it’s essential to remember that therapy is a supportive and non-judgmental process that can help your child develop the skills and strategies they need to thrive in their adult life.
One common concern is that therapy will somehow “fix” your child or change who they are. However, therapy is not about changing your child; it’s about empowering them to make positive changes in their own life. A skilled therapist will work with your child to identify their strengths and weaknesses, and develop a personalized plan to help them achieve their goals. By addressing these concerns and understanding the true purpose of therapy, you can better support your child on their journey to mental and emotional well-being.
Getting the Help Your Family Needs
Seeking therapy for your adult child can be a difficult decision, but it can also be a game-changer for their life. By understanding the importance of therapy, addressing concerns and fears, and building a supportive relationship, you can help your child develop the skills and strategies they need to thrive in their adult life.
Remember, therapy is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength and a commitment to personal growth and development. By seeking professional help, you can provide your child with the support and guidance they need to overcome challenges and achieve their goals. Embrace this opportunity to foster a healthier, more fulfilling life for your adult child and your entire family.
What Comes Next?
Whether the conversation is successful in your eyes or not, the followthrough is often the most important step. While studies have shown that even making an appointment for therapy can lead to an improvement in symptoms, getting to that appointment is still an important step. And while you may not be able to be directly involved in the therapy process for your child (with exceptions, such as your child signing a release of information for their therapist to speak with you or starting family therapy instead of individual), you can still support them throughout the process. Listening to what they need and providing validation are especially important at this stage. Parents play a crucial role in supporting their adult children through the therapeutic process and encouraging their independence.
It may also be helpful for you to seek out your own therapeutic support at this stage! Watching your child struggle at any stage of life can be agonizing, and getting support for that or whatever other stressors you might be enduring in your life can help you shoulder those burdens with more ease.
Whatever decision you - and your child - come to, please know that there is plenty of support available to you here at It Begins Within Healing Center. Be it individual therapy, family therapy, some combination thereof, or something else entirely, we have clinicians who are trained to help you and your family get back on track to a content, healthy life.
