If you and your partner have decided it’s time to get help, but don’t know what to expect – this should help.

Many couples I work with are coming to therapy for the first time for mental health issues. Often I am asked, “What should I expect from couples counseling?” While there are many effective approaches to therapy, including leading approaches such as the Gottman method or Emotion Focused Therapy, I hope to give you a complete understanding of what to expect here at It Begins Within, as well my share my experiences as a relationship counselor.

As a couples counselor and mental health professional, the main objective of the initial session is to create a safe space to discuss issues in your relationship with a third-party present to moderate the discussion. My personal goal as a therapist is to teach couples how to best communicate in their everyday lives by first practicing techniques in session and bringing them home to implement. There are many reasons couples want to engage in therapy, whether it be a proactive approach such as learning a new skill, or pre marital counseling. Or a reactive approach such as healing from a trauma within the relationship (e.g., infidelity). No matter what the motivating factor in seeking help, couples therapy has been proven to be beneficial to a variety of issues partners present.

In my first session in marriage or couples counseling, I ask for couples to design rules that they must abide by so that argument patterns that have happened in the past do not repeat themselves in the therapy room.

For example, one partner may ask that a rule includes that one partner can speak at a time. This way, both parties are heard and validated in session. I personally design a couples counseling session to uniquely to fit the two individuals present in the relationship, and in turn create a treatment plan that meets each partners needs.

Whether a couple is working on their individual communication issues, how to communicate with each other, overcoming infidelity, improving intimacy or sex life, or wanting to become closer as a unit and strengthen emotional bond- counseling sessions are designed to help you reach the collaborative goals set in the relationship.

In order for Couples counseling to work, both partners must be willing to discuss their authentic feelings on both present and past experiences, be open to feedback on unhealthy behaviors, and must both be motivated to do the work. By the work, I’m referring to the emotional and behavioral changes that are required (by both partners) in order to see positive change. This work, is why couples counseling can take as long as is required for both of the individuals to change both in session, and more importantly at home.

I recommend that couples discuss if they are ready for couples counseling and are on the same page about wanting to attend prior to coming. If one person is not committed to the process of counseling, then it is difficult to make healthy changes within the relationship.

If you are struggling with how to approach your partner, this is a great article with ideas that work – 5 Steps to Inspire Your Partner to Join You in Therapy 

Most couples seek counseling because...

At It Begins Within, a couples or marriage counselor would offer a free 15-minute initial phone consultation with a couple to discuss expectations of counseling, inform the couple about their training, and overall to see if there is a mutual fit based on personality traits for the healing process prior to treatment. In some cases, family therapy may be necessary to support children and other family members that may be involved. At It Begins Within Healing Center, we are fortunate to have a fantastic team available to us here to help support everyone from individuals to the entire family in their healing journey with therapists trained evidence-based treatment, such as the Gottman method.

Finding the right therapist helps

Throughout my research at one of the nations leading Counselor education PhD programs, as well as throughout 1000's of sessions and conversations with my peers, its been my experience that despite degrees, labels, and dozens of other factors - the most impact from therapy comes from the relationship the individuals and couple jointly has with their clinician. Therefore, at It Begins Within, the therapeutic relationship between couples therapists and clients where trust is formed is our top priority.

How do you prepare for a couples therapy session?

Getting ready for your first couples therapy session can certainly spur many emotions, and that is completely normal, and here are some simple but powerful messages to get you started.

First, come prepared to be in a safe space, minimizing judgement and seeking understanding of your partner.

We'll be working together to understand the presenting issue, how communication works in your relationship, how you engage in conflict resolution, and what pain each partner may be experiencing.

Next, we'll plan together to see what goals the couple wants to achieve. Some therapists may ask each partner to attend individual sessions in addition to couples therapy to address individual issues that may be contributing to relationship problems.

During our time together, we may perform activities that help everyone express their emotions, and as we go along in fulfilling relationship, we'll notice the good things about the relationship and build on those strengths.

So, getting ready for this session is about being a supportive listener, understanding each person's perspective, and making a plan to improve things.

What happens in the initial sessions of couples therapy?

The initial sessions of couples therapy is like opening a door to better understanding and connection. It's a safe space where everyone gets to share their thoughts and feelings. Here's what usually happens:

1. Introduction and Setting the Tone: I'll start by welcoming everyone and making sure they feel comfortable.

2. Getting to Know Each Other: We'll spend some time talking about the couples background, and each persons experiences, and what brings the couple to therapy. It's like building a roadmap to understand where you've been and where they want to go as a couple.

3. Exploring Concerns and Goals: I'll ask about any issues or concerns they have. We'll talk about what you hope to achieve through therapy, especially in the first few sessions. This helps me understand their unique needs and sets the stage for our work together.

4. Assessment: We might use some questionnaires or assessments to gather more information about the relationship. It's like taking snapshots to see what's going well and what areas we can improve.

5. Establishing Ground Rules: We'll discuss how we'll work together, ensuring that everyone feels respected and heard. This helps create a safe environment for open communication. Our goal is not repeat negative communication in the therapy office and through that we will establish ground rules (e.g., letting one person speak at a time).

6. Introduction to Therapy Process: Once goals are established, I will explain what they can expect in future sessions, giving them a sense of the therapeutic journey we'll embark on together.

7. Setting Homework or Goals: Depending on the dynamics and needs, I might suggest some small tasks or goals for them to work on between sessions. It's like taking small steps towards positive changes.

Remember, the first session is about building trust and laying the foundation for a collaborative therapeutic relationship. It's an opportunity for couples to express themselves, understand each other better, and start the process of positive change.

What do couples do in couples therapy?

In couples therapy and marriage counseling, partners focus on five key actions to strengthen their relationship:

1. Open Talk Time: One of the most frequent challenges couples arrive with stems from communication problems. During therapy, couples will engage in open conversations, expressing their thoughts and feelings. Our goal or objective here is to allow each partner to be heard, seeking understanding.

2. Problem-Solving Practice: Together with the experienced couples therapist, couples identify relationship issues and work on practical solutions. Learning problem-solving skills equips them to tackle challenges constructively in hopes of a different outcome than what is currently present.

3. Listening and Understanding: Partners learn to actively listen to each other, gaining a better understanding of different perspectives. This builds empathy and improves communication skills.

4. Goal Setting Together: Couples collaboratively set goals for their relationship, like better communication or more quality time. Having shared goals keeps them focused on positive changes.

5. Homework Assignments: Therapists may assign simple exercises for couples to do at home to implement new skills.

These actions, done consistently, contribute to a healthier and more connected relationship. 

What is the success rate of couples counseling and marriage counseling?

Determining the success rate of couples therapy and marriage counseling can be challenging as it varies depending on multiple factors, such as the severity of the issues, the commitment of the treatment plan, the individuals, and the therapeutic approach. However, research suggests that couples therapy can be effective for many couples.

Studies have shown that, on average, about 70-75% of couples report some level of improvement in their relationship after therapy. Many couples experience better communication, reduced conflict, and improved overall satisfaction. However, it's important to note that success doesn't always mean complete resolution of all issues; it may involve learning to manage and navigate challenges more effectively.

The success of couples therapy is often linked to factors like the couple's motivation, their willingness to actively participate, and the skill of the couples therapist. Couples who are committed to the process and engage wholeheartedly tend to see more positive outcomes.

It's also worth mentioning that success in couples therapy doesn't always mean staying together. Sometimes, therapy helps couples recognize that separating is the healthiest choice for both individuals.

Success depends on the situation

Ultimately, the success rate is a complex and individualized aspect of couples therapy. While the statistics provide a general overview, the unique dynamics of each relationship play a significant role in determining the effectiveness of the therapeutic process.

What is the difference between a couples therapist and a marriage and family counselor?

I'm often asked questions such as "what is the difference between..." and I like to give everyone the same simple answer. Which is... not much! Our licensed therapists that work with couples, also work with married couples. Our mental health professionals have varied licenses and degrees, ranging from Licensed Mental Health Therapists to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, both of which can be couples counselors.

This form of therapy may also be referred to as a relationship counseling or marital therapy. My particular response is generally not to focus as much on the label, but more on the individual therapist.

Wrapping up:What To Expect From Couples Therapy

1. Counseling is designed to be a safe space for you and your partner.

2. You will learn tools and techniques to improve communication.

3. Collaboratively, the couple and couples therapist will outline the “rules” for therapy together.

4. Like many things in life, you get out what you put in. If two individuals are open and willing to heal, there is a very high likelihood of achieving your goals from therapy.

5. The time in therapy varies for each couple; it can vary based on the two individuals, the issues they are facing, as well as their willingness to heal together.