Intensive Couples Therapy
Author: Kaitlyn Shelp, MA, LMHC
Reviewer: Dr. Mary Perleoni, Ph.D., LMHC ✓
Is your marriage in serious trouble? Do you hide your feelings because you want to avoid confrontation? Do you feel like your husband or wife is trying to change you? Is the word "divorce" coming up more frequently? An intensive couples therapy program may be right for you.
Maybe you just found out about an affair in your relationship. Maybe you and your partner feel like you've slowly lost the spark, have nothing in common anymore, and don't know where to go from here.
Maybe there are so many differing thoughts and feelings in your relationship that you both leave arguments feeling unheard and misunderstood, feeling like you'll have the same fight again in the coming days or weeks. Perhaps you feel fear and anxiety when you think about the future of your relationship.
Therapists at It Begins Within can help you repair and refresh your relationship.
How is intensive couples therapy different from traditional marriage counseling?
Intensive marriage therapy is months of therapy condensed into a short amount of time. Traditional couples therapy is structured to have married couples, or any couple that is committed to one another, meet with their counselor once per week for up to 60 minutes.
Depending on the style of practice, the intake process may not finish for 2-3 sessions. That means 2-3 weeks of waiting to start enacting change. That is simply too long for many partners in a relationship facing serious issues. Intensive therapy is intended to help couples make lasting changes, quickly.
I've heard about a couples retreat. How is this different?
A couples counseling retreat is usually designed as an intensive weekend away at a destination with a small group of other couples and multiple therapists. For more private couples or a relationship with one partner who would feel limited in a retreat setting, private counseling may be more appealing.
Many couples prefer individual intensive services as opposed to a retreat for help with recovering after an affair due to the shame that is felt by one or both partners in the relationship. Affair disclosure or discovery is considered a relationship crisis and should be prioritized. A retreat can be explored as an option later.
Who is a couples intensive for?
We have heard countless stories about the challenges of marriage. Regrettable incidents and fights often create distance over time between partners and often can spread to the entire family unit if children are involved.
Often in these situations, we may see children for family therapy only to learn that the issues stem from the problem within the marriage. This is just one of many scenarios that can lead a relationship to being a prime candidate for intensive work.
Intensive therapy can give hope and be used to the advantage of couples if one or both of you:
Feel that you've tried it all and feel hopeless
Feel like traditional weekly talk therapy isn't doing enough
Considering or threatening divorce
Have lost your emotional connection and are tired of living like roommates
Want and need to make changes quickly
Feel that your boundaries are not respected
Feel like you don't know how to fight (argue or have conflict) in a reasonable manner
AND
Couples who have opposite schedules and would benefit from a shorter-term program with minimal disruption to day-to-day life
Couples coping with the aftermath of a betrayal of trust - we are proud to offer intensive services specific to affair recovery
A marriage that does not have the tools and communication skills to get past conflict
What kind of issues can be resolved?
Intensive therapy can give hope and help most couples resolve issues with conflict resolution, life transitions, career conflicts, intimacy, loss of the foundational friendship, compatibility, and processing past fights that continue to resurface.
What should we expect from an intensive?
Intensive therapy is what it sounds like; intense. It is challenging and helps partners enhance their understanding of their patterns and limitations in some of the following areas: communication (or lack thereof), intimacy, empowering each other, understanding of what makes their partner who they are, feeling understood, trust, and becoming supportive of one another.
The therapist provides techniques for improvement after clinical and scientific evaluation. You can expect to be given an outline of how the days will be structured. Plan to bring water and any light snacks you want (We also provide water & snacks at It Begins Within).
Everyone engaging in any form of marriage counseling or relationship therapy is entitled to confidentiality upheld by strict ACA (American Counseling Association) and HIPAA standards.
You and your partner can expect to speak about the history of your marriage or relationship and answer questions that help the therapist work with you to determine what the goals should be.
Your relationship will be armed with practical tools that you can start using immediately for healing and can continue using to address emotional crisis. View our couples counseling intensive program structure below.
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Hour 1: Couple meets with therapist
Hours 2 and 3: One Partner meets in private with the clinician to give individual story and history
Each partner is completing a packet of assessments in the hour they are not face-to-face with the therapist
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Hour 4: Therapist provides summary of findings after creating a full case conceptualization and discusses recommended plan to address the couple's relationship
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Sessions moving forward consist of at least 4 hours of couples therapy per week, broken down into two-hour sessions
How quickly can we expect to see results?
No therapist can ethically guarantee results. This is not because our methods don't work. In fact, at It Begins Within we use the most highly researched couples counseling method available, the Gottman Method.
Not being able to guarantee results is due to every couple and the individuals within being different. For example, one couple may be 6 months into their patterns. Another couple may present after beginning the filing process for divorce for the third time in their 25 year marriage. The course of treatment will look different for these couples.
That being said, an intensive couples counseling program is intended to accelerate the potential progress that can be made. Couples generally report feeling a difference is being made after the first week. It can feel empowering and instill hope to know that you and your partner have committed to starting the process and can lean on the support of a licensed professional.
Who is intensive counseling not for?
Intensive couples therapy is not advised for those who are struggling with severe, and persistent mental illnesses or addictions that can hinder significant progress. In these situations, it is recommended to attend traditional counseling. The priority is to be talking with a therapist who provides individual sessions.
In some cases, it may be suggested that resolving individual challenges be first. It is sometimes recommended that a person pursue individual intensives. Reaching out to a mental health professional to help one or both partners make a decision is recommended.
There are few issues that counselors cannot support a couple through. However, in situations of characterological abuse, attending intensive couples therapy is not recommended and ethically cannot occur.
Different resources are best utilized when the abuse cycle is active. Learn more about the abuse cycle below and get to know your local resources.
Tips
Ask your provider about their:
Experience working with relationships and providing intensive care
Qualifications and how long they have been working in the field
Waitlist. Some providers have a waitlist that is weeks or months long
Consultation process and if they offer a free consultation
Therapists at It Begins Within are here to help you through what we know is a challenging time. You are encouraged to reach out to our Client Care Coordinator, Kate, at any time to get this process started for your relationship.
