Recovering after infidelity
Photo courtesy of Kelly Sikkema
One of the most common issues I have faced in my career of couples counseling is infidelity. Many individuals ask, “is it possible to recover from infidelity within the relationship?
The honest answer is… I have seen couples that are unable to move past the hurt and trauma associated with infidelity. However, I have also seen couples heal and leave “stronger than they were prior to infidelity.”
With that being said, it takes a lot of work inside and outside counseling when infidelity is the route of the issues. Some couples refer to their partner’s infidelity as a blessing in disguise, because it forced the couple to recognize issues within their relationship that have been ignored or avoided.
I recommend that both individuals attend their own individual counseling in addition to engaging in couples counseling with another therapist.
Individual counseling helps the individual who was unfaithful understand their process of getting to the point of having an affair. Individual counseling also helps the individual who was cheated on, to work on re-establishing trust and forgiveness. Within couples counseling, the relationship is the client. This framework allows the couple to reach their goals intended to improve the relationship.
If you are the individual who was unfaithful- you need to decide if you want to work through this issue and salvage your relationship. Some partners are unfaithful because the partnership prior to the affair was failing. Decide if this is the relationship you want to be in.
Infidelity recovery is a difficult process, so the decision to attempt reconciliation cannot be taken lightly, as it will be a very long ride. Before offering reconciliation to your partner, you must decide if that is what you truly want.
If you would like to understand the process of couples counseling after an affair…
For all the couples out there that are struggling with infidelity issues, couples therapy can help to:
Regain intimacy
Regain trust
Regain passion
Regain companionship
Regain communication
Regain friendship
Regain affection
Regain joy
