How to Approach Your Partner About Therapy | Tampa Couples Counseling
Author: Dr. Mary Perleoni, Ph.D., LMHC
Talking to your partner about couples therapy can be challenging, especially if you’re unsure how they will react. While it may feel daunting, on the other side can be a happier, healthier and more fulfilling connection to your partner. Addressing relationship challenges openly and discussing couples counseling can be a healthy step toward meaningfully improving your connection. This article will help you approach the conversation with more confidence, provide tips on handling different responses you may receive, and provide valuable insights into making the process easier.
Do You Need Couples Therapy?
If you're reading this, there's a strong possibility that couples therapy could be helpful for you. When discussing feelings or needs becomes uncomfortable in a relationship, it's often a sign that outside support and expertise could be beneficial. As an experienced couples counselor in Tampa, I understand that reaching out for help can be extremely difficult for some, and it often takes courage, humility and vulnerability.
That said, if any of the following points resonate with you, therapy could be the key to bringing you and your partner closer and reigniting a passion you may have thought was lost.
Communication Difficulties: If you are struggling with how to approach your partner about counseling, there is a strong possibility that there is a deeper-rooted issue stemming from challenges with communication.
Increased Conflict: While occasional conflict is very healthy within a relationship, frequent and intense arguments can be a sign that there are underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Emotional Disconnection: If you consistently feel distant, a lack of connection or just "out of sync" with your partner for a prolonged period, this is likely just the symptom of a deeper issue.
Lack of Intimacy: Through my personal experience I often find my female clients describing this as a lack of emotional connection and my male clients reporting this as a lack of physical or sexual connection - while these roles can certainly be reversed, but are symptoms of deeper issues relating to intimacy.
When to Bring Up Couples Therapy | Timing is Key
If you find yourself identifying with any of the above points, then you've just come to a realization that could potentially save your relationship. You need help. That is absolutely normal, and you should be proud of yourself for making it here.
Approaching the topic of couples therapy can feel intimidating, especially if you struggle with communication in your relationship. Choosing the right time to talk is crucial. I recommend avoiding bringing up therapy during an argument or when emotions are running high.
Instead, aim to find a calm or neutral moment to have the conversation. Perhaps over a quiet dinner, during walk, or a private moment. Choosing the right time can make a world of difference in how your partner responds.
How to Start the Conversation
When bringing up couples therapy, it’s essential to try and frame the conversation in a positive way. Rather than focusing on blame or pointing out your partners faults, instead try to emphasize the mutual benefits of therapy. A good way to start might sound like:
“I’ve been thinking about how we can improve our relationship and work through some of our challenges. What do you think about trying couples therapy together?”
“I love you, and I want our relationship to be the best it can be. I’ve been considering couples therapy as a way for us to get back to the way we used to be.”
"I hope you know how much I care about you. Lately I've just we haven't been on the same page, and it would mean very much to me if you would consider counseling with me"
Using this type of language highlights the idea that therapy is a tool for growth, not a punishment for either partner.
Acknowledge Your Partner’s Feelings
Your partner may have a range of emotions about the idea of therapy including fear, resistance, or even relief. Be prepared to listen without interrupting, and acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Let them express their thoughts fully before you respond. Validation is key in any relationship discussion.
If your partner expresses hesitation, you could say, “I understand why this might feel uncomfortable or new. I feel nervous too, but I believe it could help us.”
Acknowledging your partner’s emotions helps create a collaborative environment where both of you feel heard.
Anticipating Common Concerns and How to Address Them
It’s natural for your partner to have questions or concerns about couples therapy. Here’s how to address some common worries:
Statement: “I don’t want a stranger telling us what to do.”
Response: “I felt that way too, but therapists are trained to share their expertise and guide conversations, not dictate how we should live. They can help us see things from a different perspective.”
Statement: “We can solve this ourselves."
Response: “I agree we’re strong enough to work through things on our own, but sometimes having a neutral person can help us look at things differently that we might be overlooking.”
Statement: “What if therapy doesn’t work?”
Response: “I understand where you are coming from, but I think even giving it a try could help us better understand each other. If it doesn’t work, at least we’ll know we tried every option.”
It's important to emphasize that your partners participation would be very meaningful to you.
Tips for Approaching the Conversation
More often than not, the couples I work with are struggling in some way with communication . Whether or not this is the root cause of what they are hoping to achieve in therapy, improving how the couple communicates can significantly improve the relationship. If you are feeling uncomfortable about approaching the conversation, I recommend keeping these points in mind:
Be Open and Honest: Your partner will likely respond better if you’re transparent about why you believe couples counseling is important. Share your personal feelings rather than focusing solely on what you think they need to change.
Use “We” Language: Phrases like “We can benefit from this” or “I think this could help us” feel less confrontational than statements that imply blame or inadequacy.
Reassure Them: Some people may feel that therapy is a sign that the relationship is failing. Reassure your partner that seeking help doesn’t mean there’s something wrong, but instead that you want to make things better.
Be Prepared for Resistance: If your partner reacts negatively at first, don’t force the issue. Let them sit with the idea and revisit the conversation later. Being patient shows that you respect their thoughts and feelings.
Handling Different Responses
Your partner’s response can range from enthusiastic agreement to reluctance or even outright refusal. Here’s how to handle various reactions:
Marital and family therapy has been shown to be an effective approach with a success rate of around 70%, according to studies from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
Positive Response
If your partner is open to the idea, express your appreciation and talk about next steps, such as finding a Tampa couples therapy counselor.
Neutral Response
They might respond with something like, “I’m not sure, but I’ll think about it.” In this case, I recommend giving them space to process the idea and following up after some time has passed. Offer to research therapists together so it feels like a joint decision.
Resistant Response
If your partner is resistant, ask them why and listen to their concerns. If they seem firm in their opposition, try reframing therapy as an opportunity for personal growth for both of you. You could say, “What if we just tried one session and see how we feel afterward?”
Defensive Response
A defensive reaction might involve your partner feeling like they’re being blamed. Reassure them that therapy isn’t about pointing fingers, but rather working as a team to improve your relationship.
What to Do If Your Partner Refuses
It’s important to remember that therapy is most effective when both partners are willing participants. If your partner refuses, don’t immediately push or force them into it. Instead, suggest continuing to have open discussions about your relationship and keep therapy as an option for the future. You could also consider individual therapy to help you navigate your emotions and improve communication on your end. Individual mental health counseling can be an option to help you manage your emotions and improve communication skills.
What to Expect from the Therapy Process
Understanding what to expect from the therapy process can help you and your partner feel more prepared and point some initial concerns at ease. Here’s a general outline of what the process might involve:
Initial Consultation: The therapist will meet with you and your partner to discuss your concerns and goals for therapy. This session helps establish a foundation for your work together.
Assessment: The therapist may use assessment tools to identify strengths and areas for improvement in your relationship. This helps tailor the therapy to your specific needs.
Goal-Setting: Together with the therapist, you’ll set goals for what you hope to achieve through therapy. This provides direction and focus for your sessions.
Sessions: Therapy sessions are typically held weekly or bi-weekly and may include both joint and individual sessions. Regular attendance is key to making progress.
Homework: The therapist might assign exercises or activities to practice new skills and strategies outside of sessions. This helps reinforce what you’ve learned and apply it to your daily life.
By understanding the therapy process, you and your partner can approach it with confidence and a clear sense of what to expect.
Creating a Plan Together
If your partner agrees to consider couples therapy, the next step is to create a plan together. Research local Tampa couples therapy options and decide on a therapist who aligns with your needs. It Begins Within is a specialized practice providing both in-person and online counseling options.
Look for counselors who specialize in relationship dynamics and offer flexible scheduling options. This will ensure that both of you are comfortable and committed to the process.
Building Stronger Connections Through Therapy
Bringing up couples counseling doesn’t have to be a difficult conversation. With the right approach, patience, and understanding, you can help your partner see the benefits of seeking professional help. Remember, therapy is about creating a stronger, healthier relationship where both partners feel heard, respected, and valued. Whether your partner is ready to begin or needs some time to consider, you’re taking a positive step toward improving your relationship.
Relationship counseling, which encompasses couples therapy, aims to improve emotional connections and personal fulfillment in relationships.
