7 Steps for Couples with a New Child to Reignite Intimacy
Author: Dr. Mary Perleoni, Ph.D., LMHC
Welcoming a new child is a wonderful and exciting process, filled with emotions of love, stress and joy. It can also challenge the intimacy and connection in your relationship, especially as couples navigate the transition in their sex life after childbirth. As a couples therapist in Tampa and owner of It Begins Within, I help couples everyday to navigate these changes and rekindle their intimacy. If you’re feeling the strain of new parenthood, here are seven steps to reignite the romance and passion.
1. Intentional & Open Communication
The early months with a newborn can strain communication that goes beyond "do we have enough diapers?" or documenting daily nap and feed schedules. Making intentional time to check in with each other daily which includes sharing your feelings, frustrations, and moments of gratitude. It is important to communicate openly about sexual needs, sexual readiness and to manage expectations regarding intimate activity during the postpartum recovery period.
2. Schedule Intentional Couple Time
Between feedings and sleep deprivation, the importance of quality time often can get lost. Set aside time just for you two, even if it’s a short date night or a walk around Tampa’s scenic Riverwalk or St. Petersburg’s waterfront parks. These intentional moments remind you of your partnership beyond parenting.
This can be a valuable time to explore other types of intimacy and build a stronger, more fulfilling bond with your partner.
3. Rediscover Physical Affection
After a new baby, its not uncommon for physical intimacy to take a backseat. Breastfeeding moms experience hormonal changes, which can contribute to vaginal dryness and discomfort during intercourse. In sex therapy, I commonly prescribe "homework" to my couples to begin with non-sexual touch. This can include things like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling, and can significantly improve the couples connection and comfort in rekindling the fire. When both partners are ready, this foundation naturally leads to deeper intimacy.
4. Address Physical Changes Post-Childbirth
Physical recovery and hormonal changes can impact libido. It's crucial to acknowledge the physical changes and emotional demands that accompany the postpartum period. After giving birth, women may experience a range of physical changes such as vaginal dryness, a decrease in sexual desire, and discomfort during intercourse. These changes can impact the relationship, and it is essential for couples to be patient and understanding with each other.
Communication is key during this time. Discussing any concerns or discomforts openly with your partner can help both of you feel more connected and supported. If either partner feels uncertain about resuming sexual intimacy, consulting a healthcare professional can provide valuable guidance on timing and comfort during sexual activity. This can help ensure that both partners feel ready and comfortable, setting the stage for a more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experience.
Exploring other ways to connect physically, such as mutual masturbation, oral sex, or simply enjoying a warm bath together, can help rebuild intimacy without the pressure of vaginal intercourse. It's important to remember that intimacy after childbirth is a journey, and taking small steps can lead to a more satisfying and enriching sex life as you adjust to your new life as parents.
5. Set Realistic Expectations
Adjusting to life with a new baby is a process and your relationship will evolve over time. Be patient and compassionate with each other as you navigate this chapter. Celebrate small victories like reconnecting over a laugh or enjoying a quiet moment together.
It's important to understand that the postpartum period brings its own set of challenges, including physical changes and emotional demands as mentioned above. These factors can affect your sexual relationship and intimacy levels. Setting realistic expectations includes recognizing these changes and being open about your feelings and needs.
Discuss what you both hope to achieve in terms of intimacy and sexual activity, keeping in mind that it may not be the same as before childbirth. This is a time for both partners to be patient and understanding.
Remember that every couple's journey is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for resuming sexual intimacy. By setting realistic expectations you create a foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
6. Prioritize Self-Care
Both partners should prioritize self-care to reduce stress and boost energy. Engaging in self-care activities is essential for maintaining overall well-being and can significantly enhance your ability to connect sexually. This might include taking time for activities that relax and rejuvenate you, such as exercising, meditating, or enjoying a hobby. When you feel confident and relaxed, it positively affects your emotional well-being and physical intimacy with your partner.
Self-care is not just about individual well-being, it's also about creating a supportive environment for your relationship. Encourage each other to take breaks and engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation. This mutual support can strengthen your emotional connection and make it easier to navigate the demands of new parenthood.
Remember, self-care is a crucial component of a healthy relationship, especially during the postpartum period. By prioritizing self-care, both partners can feel more energized, confident, and ready to resume sexual intimacy, ultimately fostering a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
7. Seek Professional Support When Needed
Sometimes reconnecting as a couple requires extra help. If you feel like you may benefit from some additional support, we invite you to schedule a free consultation in our Tampa or St. Petersburg counseling services. At It Begins Within we specialize in couples therapy, including the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Sex Therapy. These approaches provide proven tools to help couples rebuild intimacy and strengthen their bond.
We understand the unique challenges new parents face. Whether you’re seeking support for intimacy, communication, or co-parenting, our licensed therapists are here to help you create a stronger, more connected partnership.
